It was only a matter of time. In the back of my mind, I knew the day would come where I would turn into one of them. When I was a few years younger, I'd mock them as they pranced through the parks with their portable radios and bright-colored clothing. Meanwhile, I was the one who'd be out of breath after walking a couple of blocks thanks to a steady diet of high-fat foods, a dose of lethargy, and the occassional cancer stick.

Actually, I'm quite alright with this transition. As I approach the ripe age of 30, it's only natural that I begin to accept my own mortality and work to extend my years on this earth with a simple jog or bike ride.

After all, if more lazies would get off their butts and follow Tommy's advice, we'd have a lot less of this.